First, God cares.
God, who created you, lovely girl, is the one who said: “Wait!” Wait for marriage to have sex — your white wedding dress the traditional symbol that you did.
Doesn’t that make God a killjoy?
Well, because He cares so much for you, and if marriage is part of His best plan for you (and most likely it is), God has the best husband you could ever imagine in mind for you. He wants you to have the kind of man:
…who wants you for the central core of who YOU are.
…who wants to share his life with you.
…who wants to brag about you, not behind your back because he made a sexual conquest of you, but because he thinks you are the most incredible person in the world.
God meant sex to be a sacred wedding gift for the bride and groom. That’s because sex opens you to another person in the most incredibly delightful and meaningful ways, within the safe bounds of marriage.
When Adam and Eve had sex, the book of Genesis says Adam knew his wife. There’s an intimate knowing that comes with sex. Your current boyfriend may tell you many things to get you to have sex. Don’t believe everything he says. The right man will wait for the privilege of knowing you when you are his bride. When I got married, I felt so thankful that my husband honored me by making me his wife.
Wait for your soulmate, who will honor, protect and provide for you and your family for the rest of his life.
That’s worth waiting for.
And there’s more.
Second, you (will) care.
I probably don’t know you, lovely girl, but I believe that one day, you will be glad (or wish) you could celebrate like other brides down through the centuries. Brides who knew that the wedding night is not just another time for sex, but for joyfully giving all of yourself, finally! to one faithful, trustworthy man — who saved himself for you.
I believe you’ll be glad you chose to guard your purity, or wish that someone had stopped you from giving it away too soon. I did save myself for marriage, but I found myself sobbing one night, wishing I had saved even the kisses and embraces I had given away earlier, for my true love.
As a young woman growing up in today’s culture, you may think:
It’s not that big a deal. (But it is. Sex is designed to bind a husband and wife closely together. When you have sex with many people, you leave bits of your soul behind each time.)
Everyone is doing it. (Not really. And you can be wiser than those who are.)
It’s natural. (Yes, but you can choose to make sex extraordinarily special by waiting.)
I won’t get an STD. (Here are some statistics about that.)
I’ll be careful; I won’t get pregnant. (Here are more statistics.)
If I get pregnant, I can get rid of the blob of tissue that may result. (Lovely girl, this leads to my most important point.)
Your son or daughter will care.
When Roe v. Wade passed, people thought, “Abortion is the modern thing to do if you have an unwanted pregnancy. It’s just a blob of tissue anyway.” I thought so myself, for years.
We’ve come a long way since 1973. First, 3D images, then 4D ultrasound technology, came into use. We can observe the intricate development of a fetus and watch it sucking its thumb or turning around in the womb.
Studies have proven that a fetus experiences pain. It certainly feels pain during an abortion (which involves its suction from the womb and dismemberment).
Your son or daughter will want to make the amazing, safe journey you and I made — from a fertilized egg to a zygote that quickly begins dividing and developing. About six days after fertilization it is ready to attach to the uterine lining to begin taking in nutrients. It only takes nine months for a beautiful little person to be completely formed.
Your child will care if you are a person who has thought through your life and wants to be responsible about the possible results if you have sex.
Your child will care desperately that you carry it to full term and give it a chance to live.
Many women deeply regret choosing to abort their babies. Our culture promotes abortion as a reasonable choice — but it’s a choice to take a life.
In contrast, when a celebrity or member of royalty gets pregnant, our culture celebrates the baby bump. We should celebrate every baby bump! When a woman is pregnant, every day with a bigger bump, obviously it’s because the bump is a growing human being that will soon make his or her appearance.
That’s common sense, backed up by science.
So, lovely girl…
Wait to have sex. Don’t believe everything the world tells you. Save yourself for a man who truly loves you, because God cares, you (will) care, and your son or daughter will care. (Your husband will care, too!) Enjoy wearing white on your wedding day because you are sexually pure.
Enjoy exploring wonderful, safe sex in marriage with a man who puts God first, cherishes you second, and with whom your children will be cherished too.
May I say: It’s worth the wait! You’ll have no regrets. Struggles, yes! But you’ll also have real, committed love to share for a lifetime:
…with your man, who would give his life for you.
… with your child, who wants to live with you, learn from you and grow up to be just like you. May you be someone who respects and cherishes others as you wish to be respected and cherished. May we all.
It’s worth caring about.
With love and a prayer for great joy as you wait for God’s best,
P.S. If you do become pregnant and fear you cannot provide for your child, know that God will provide for you. Others will help you. Look for a crisis pregnancy clinic near you. If you can’t keep your child, you can give couples who wish they could have a child a chance to have one through adoption.
If you have already had sex before marriage or had an abortion, know that God forgives all of us when we ask Him, for whatever wrong we have done. Accept His forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Learn God’s ways of loving from now on, as we who love and follow Him are seeking to do.
If you’ve had an abortion, know that your child is safe with Jesus. If you know Him, you’ll see your son or daughter again one day.
P.P.S. Jesus’ love changed my heart and the trajectory of my life completely when I was 19, and it’s still changing me many years later. So I love the definition below of true love — the love God has for us, and the love we can have for ourselves and others when our hearts belong to Him.
I made up a tune to help myself remember these words. I have adapted them slightly from the original. Maybe you would like to learn my song to keep these truths about love in your heart and mind, too:
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy or boast. Love’s not proud, and love’s not rude. Love’s not self-seeking. Love’s not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects and trusts. Love always hopes. Love always perseveres. And love never fails.
Wedding dress photo by Thomas AE on Unsplash
If you haven’t discovered new life in Christ, don’t hesitate to check it out. Life is too short to miss His love and perfect plan for you. Read About “The Nearness of God” or see everyperson.com for more information. Here’s my story of coming to faith in Christ: How My Song Began.